When he does come by to grab closes he says hello mom and closea the door in my face. You've set down solid foundations for him, and he is branching out and experimenting with his freedom. He wants to be her champion. And that will drive them both away. Her baby was born Dec 2012. Moving on, as my son got the career opportunity, Scarlet came every week and they lived on the phone 24/7 because she cheated on him twice and he could not trust her. He will defend her to others because he is the only one who "truly understands" that there is a sweet girl underneath the tough exterior. I think then the girlfriend deserves better than your son. Scarlet has two children from two different baby father's that she abandoned because she wanted to be with my son. Please remember to keep everything positive and loving or your mother will accuse your new wife as the bringing of bad feelings or coming between mother and son. We are truly concerned about his world revolving around these people. Her mom kicked her out of the house a fact we recently just found out as his girlfriend told us she moved out. This is a tough one. She asked my husband for money, my son has said if she sees we are helping him out Financial she might eventually come round. Also her parents love him, who wouldn't he is a great person, and are now starting to manipulate him too by giving him an allowance travel card. The ages of both your son and is girlfriend makes it really hard to get through. Help! We moved to a different town to be closer to aging parents, and he continued to drive an hour and a half every day to see her (he would go after/before his job). How do I approach this issue as it is emotionally draining me. I have no idea why or what we ever did to make her this way, but she has always been the same. He might not missing out on anything at all. "Let your partner know it means a lot to you to see . When he said that, then I reacted, I said why?.. She claims to be a witch. Maybe write it in a letter or note. Scarlet is all about junk food. She is disrespectful, leaves things all over the place, waste food, milk..etc, she is rude to anyone that is not one of her few personal friends and she only has a couple. He text and said he's ok don't worry. Good luck. WOW! What are their reasons? Our kids, who started dating in high school, broke up at the beginning of their sophomore year in college, after dating for nearly two years. also, this girl has done some things that have been very disturbing as well, that would scare any mother. Because we only have his best interests at heart. A year ago he started dating this girl, at first I really liked her, she tried to be a mediator between my son and I and she was helpful and always got him home when I wanted him home That didn't last long. He nearly married a girl who had mental issues to the point where she pulled a knife on him, a girl who only liked to party and didn't like or respect us, and a girl with a kid who he would support financially only to be usurped by her biological father who didn't pay a dime towards her support. She might behave in ways that he wishes he could or at least in ways that seem very different from his perhaps sheltered life. I just saw that she was posting on his FB page different things that a gf normally would. The passing of his father, my husband had impacted us both and I believed we were always going to be close. And in our case, my son wouldn't go to counseling so we had to provide a little for him through our our heartfelt communication. She is constantly saying she and her baby are sick, so my son brought some things to me to laundry since he was working extended hours after finding that he himself didn't have clothing and that is when I discovered all the toddler and infant clothing covered with mold and mildew. Meanwhile--or otherwise--he could be attracted to her because she represents a totally different lifestyle than he has known. They have been together for 6 years and recently bought their own house. This way, he'll learn quick that you are not controlling or directing his choices. is it normal for mothers to get jealous and mistreat the girlfriend, even though I've never disrespected their rules and wants for their son? You can't help solve a problem until you know what it is. I didn't critize her when she relayed through my son, how mean it was of me to overlook doing something for her to celebrate her first mother's day. Now my mother keeps on asking how she is studying and who is paying for her fees, even if i explain to her, she would go and talk about it with other family member/s. There is so much more to this, but all I can tell you is that I think he has truly been brainwashed! (as he was joking on his text) I said, I only like her because she's nice to our dog, but I don't her for you as your girlfriend! 7. She's nice before and always greet and smile to me whenever we meet. He might like that his girlfriend gets you riled up. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts. You don't have to admit to anything you're NOT sorry for but do apologize for letting your anger and frustration get the best of you and do tell him that you regret ever telling him to move out. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. It's just that you want him to enjoy his young years before settling down. My son learned and is so much wiser and stronger for it. They began dating when she was 16 and he 17. Tell him to reflect on his relationship to see if it has had positive effects on him as far as his health habits and educational/future opportunities. We spent a week at the beach for spring break just last week and had another girl with us my younger sons girlfriend, Matts girlfriend in a full 7 days never spoke to her once it was obvious she was jealous, I cannot even imagine not speaking a week to someone that I was in the same condo with. Why rush?". One day my husband came home from work and mentioned that he saw my son with the girl and his friends watching movie in the living room. But he is happy, and you did not mention anything about the girl or her parents having a negative impact on your son's life or happiness aside from his not living the way you think he should. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on June 05, 2012: Why don't they like her? Send out lots of love to him. Sometimes, a seemingly "nice" kid will be attracted to a "bad" girl because she represents the side of him that he wishes he could express. Send him to a guidance counsellor or psychiatrist if the relationship poses an immediate threat to your son. Dear Amy: My 18-year-old son (who is in high school) has had a girlfriend for the past year. I am a stepdad to an 18/19 yo son, and yes I do mean son, as that is how I see him, and not my stepson. Please advise. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on August 19, 2012: Hello, Dave. You will not get far in discussing this with him or his girlfriend. They do not see many of their choices as being "bad" for them. We had given him a car when he left school to help him out, but he had an accident. fintech startups internship; did jimi hendrix play at harlem cultural festival 1969? I find it useful,I have four son one came home with a girl who will never say hi to me when he first start'ed going out with her, I always said hi some time she will just be looking at me, and my son will be there when she is doing this,this is my first son, now my #2 son will tel his girlfriend not to talk to me when he has problem with me even now he send his graduation invitation to his girl friend and a friend, when she see will also not say hi,how can I understand this ,I care for this children when their father left when they were babys is this what I get for 26years, please help me. My girlfriend is the humblest and kindest women I have ever met and I like her for who she is and not what she has. Be open to his girlfriend. He had told me during the long conversation that she didnt do family visits, doesn't speak to her only sister as she's jealous of her, She enjoys going out for expensive meals.He has since lost his job and is doing a course at Uni, we offered to help him out financially as much as we could afford, but to her that wasn't enough, she is high maintenance and has demanded money from us to pay her rent for him. As the mother of your child and your future wife, she deserves your loyalty and devotion. I guess what i am trying to tell you is don't do what i did and TELL him all the red flags you see. Mo Mulla is a work from home dad who enjoys reading and listening to music, He loves being a dad and husband to a growing family. On the other hand, my father likes my girlfriend a lot, he even called me and recently told me that my girlfriend checked him when he was admitted to hospital. We had a great few days together but she stayed well away, pretended she was working but our son looked unhappy so his father asked him if he was happy, his siblings have always had a solid relationship and they heard him on the phone to him, her tone was very sharp towards him. My son was with a girl we did not approve of and he even planned on marrying her. I said okay, but changed his mind and said, give me $30 instead because I want to treat "the girl" with me! She offers something that he wants on a physical, emotional or psychological level. It's that she's so bloody rude! And father. Her clothing, car, finances, education, family background, and hobbies are compatibility matters for your son to think about. What kind of life is that? However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one. I am crying because I was hurt of what he did! "He doesn't like the situation," stresses Gorell Barnes. Hi Lori. Do you dislike the person your child is dating? Visit them alone sometimes. The woman has started expressing dislike for my three year old grandson. 65 Likes, TikTok video from Ryan The Lion (@ryantrout1): "Me when my girlfriend doesn't want to hang out with me". I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school. Is there anything else we can do or are we taking the wrong approach? The thing was I had purchased most of those outfits for my grandson who is three and was starting headstart within that month, so I knew they weren't her childs. She is an only child and she also works at the same place of employment as our son. 2. I would always take my sons side and this caused a rift between ALL of us. Contrary to the perception that parents getting to know their kids partner is somewhat invading their boundaries, knowing your sons girlfriend can enhance a positive parent-son relationship. That is part of life and learning. I am new to mumsnet, and I'm not actually a woman, hope this isn't an issue. She is always asking my son to ask me to help them and her financially. My 17 year old son has been dating his girlfriend for a few months now, they were also friends for about a year or so prior. My issue is that she comes over to our house at least 3 days a week, but It might be understandable that your mother has reservations about this girl because your previous relationship with a woman did not survive. I hear that you are being emotionally drained by this. The highs, the lows. Make it a warm and inviting offering. Feel free to email me anytime to discuss. Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. Physical abuse and aggressive language are obvious signs parents should notice instantly. Reach out and make the effort. We made the mistake of letting her live in our home 5 months ago and my home has become so uncomfortable that we have asked her to move out. Building bridges takes time. Parents may see through their sons girlfriend, but there are other red flags keep an eye on. I didn't want the idea of that girl always around my son she follows him everywhere! How long do these things last? They moved near me with her baby was about 3 months of age. The request for him to be home is solely for him to have some healthy space for himself and to focus on study occasionally. He should be open to common sense. A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. I was sick. He may feel awkward about being around her at the same time he is with his family. Ask Amy: I don't like my son's girlfriend. There are a lot more resources for grandparents today. They would argue and fight. Re-establish your bond with them. Please let me know where you got your design. At 18, he has the right to live as he chooses. He sold the Camaro he had(that he owed money to his older brother for and used what he got for it to put more towards the new 2016 car he purchased for his girlfriends parents). First, you might want to have a sit down with your son. Be direct: "What have I done to make you treat me this way?" How Many People To Invite To Baby Shower. Because it isn't always breaking up with a horrible person or when there isn't any love left. My son recently obtained custody of his 3 year old son after a 2 year custody battle. But it sounds as though you imposed them without discussion, when you might have suggested the temporary rule as a recommendation, a suggestion, and asked them if they had alternative ideas for how to improve their chances of passing the exams. The demands are never for us except when his dad needed help lifting things for the house move. However, after the girlfriend left her messages on the grandmother's phone, she learned that the mother of her grandchild "hates" her. Did you criticize them a lot? It is hard to teach young ones that breaking up feels bad but it is better than breaking up when there is so much more at stake such as divorce and children. When I told my son that a woman who does not cook for herself, will not cook for you, he replied "women don't cook anymore." Stop thinking he doesn't like you and your son. But if your son continues to hang out with their daughter, come and go as he pleases without responsibilities, believe me, her parents will change their attitude towards him sooner or later. And it sounds as though they see themselves in the children's romance. Anyways, she began cutting herself when they fought which made him distraught. This girlfriend of your son's doesn't sound like she would make a good mother or will make him happy in the long run. However, the reality is that my relationship with my son has changed and I can't really see any improvement as long as he is with this woman. I am terrified that I won't know where my son is and what he's doing. Do you still talk to your son and express that his family loves and misses him? What d you do in this case ? "One reason why I fell in love with her is because she is a lot like you in that she is very caring and kind." "She might have been born poor but that made her humble unlike the other women I've met who are materialistic and vain. We need to reflect on his relationship with his family prior to this relationship with this girl. I feel at a loss because my son and I have always been close until she came along. Let other life situations, including their immaturity, test their relationship. And don't discount the importance and bonding of great sex. This can be more difficult for the parent than it is for the child, but here are some ways to make it easier for everyone. It is like his new best friend is her 43 yr old father. Both eyes open, we told him, if he wanted to avoid heartache later. I'll love you no matter what." We expressed that it wasn't that we didn't like this girl as a person and that we understood that everyone is "broken" in some wayand some people are worth fixingand that everyone deserves to be lovedbut this woman needs to fit into his life, his lifestyle, which includes his family. HE STAYS OUT MOSTLY EVERY NIGHT WITH HER.WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HOME,BUT HE WOULD RATHER STAY WITH HER IN A HOUSE WHERE TWELVE OTHER PEOPLE LIVE.I HAVE CONSTANTLY TRIED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS BEHAVIOR BUT HE REFUSES TO LISTEN.HE HAS LOST HIS JOB AND HAS NOT REALLY TRIED TO FIND ANOTHER.I LOVE MY SON AND I AM AFRAID THAT SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN IF HE CONTINUES ON THIS PATH. "Nice" young ladies/girls can have sexual hang-ups. Needs to argue constantly. There is a Japanese proverb that goes, "Bend the tree while it is young." Going through serious life stuff. I've never been invited into the house, I have to sit in the car on the side of the road. The pros and cons of social media (like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Google+, and Tumblr) on teenagers. Whenever I would tell my son anything, he then went back and told her about it. losing a job is really hard and can get you down. He does do things with us occasionally. They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. Girlfriends come and go. I even renovated her house and spent lots of money but now there is a problem when i support my girlfriend. Then, we told him that we loved him and if he was sure, we would back him up and love his wife, too, but before he made that choice, we begged him to listen to what we had to say. Two days later, the mom calls to ask me to go to lunch "since the kidss are going to be together". You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. The signs might be clear, but most parents cant help but wonder why their kid is willingly dating a toxic partner. Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. Lesson learned! But instead of staying near home with friends (he had burned bridges because of her)he ran back to the big city where he graduated, brought her with him and there is when she resumed prostitution. It was his first girlfriend. If his girlfriend is prone to violence, she poses a risk to your son and any future children. She's shy and has said she doesn't like how she looks, she doesn't like taking pictures is what she said. I forgot to mention -- his girlfriend is moving away in June. Help! What you might see as great experiences for young people may not be what he enjoys or wants to experience during his youth. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on March 13, 2018: To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. 248 likes, 36 comments - Natalie B. justice advocate (@natalie.kristeen) on Instagram: "I wasn't prepared for the grief or guilt as an adoptive parent. Do you have a favorite board game to play next time? But both she and your son need help and together, the results of their relationship have gotten them cutting, threatening suicide, and landing in detention. My ex-husband and I have both assisted my son during the custody battle with financial matters. When he says he wants to go and live with his dad, don't panic and see this as a reflection . We went to visit him a few months ago, we emptied his flat which we are now having to rent out to cover the mortgage payments. So I said, okay.. Like taking my younger sons things and hiding them in her dresser, stupid things like his hair gel and she seems extremely jealous of my younger sons close relationship with Tyler.
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