(My older brother, Patrick, can't say the same.) Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. WebTop George Carlin Quotes On Death: 01. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? George Carlin was Cremated and Ashes scattered. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. We're goin' away. According to those who knew them they were one of the great pairings of all time. They own everything. You don't. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be., Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., How is it possible to have a civil war?, I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to., Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? I'll keep smoking. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. 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Thats the problem. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. A Death! ', I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. Maron contended that free-speech conflicts have shifted since Carlins era in such a way that it doesnt make sense to drag Carlin back into them. Never join a group that has a name. It takes up a lot of your time. Good news for senior citizens: Death is near! Weve added years to life, not life to years.. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live., Would a fly without wings be called a walk?, Weather forecast for tonight: dark. My mom used to say "if you can't say something nice about someone, come in and I'll put the kettle on". "Meow" means - "Come attend my needs hooman! Teach them to question everything. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, George Carlin (2015). Youve got to sort through a number of very dated impressions and news stories. I took his shoes. I mean, life is tough. Quote by George Carlin: Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, d (?) Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? Popular ethnic slurs to the contrary, the Irish do enjoy sex at least the last ten seconds or so. Whats that, a bonus? WebGeorge Carlin > Quotes (?) Hes the subject of a new documentary. ', By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth., I put a dollar in a change machine. WebNobody "owns" anything. Hey Pandas, What Is Something That Happened In Your Life That You Wish Happened Again? When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.. He was 99 percent progressive, said his daughter, but also took some positions that echoed those of conservatives today. Trouble is, most of them suck., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town., The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. When died, George Carlins net worth was $10 Million. George Carlin What do dogs do on their day off? And the supreme arrogance? Tom, Id like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy. These days, Trajedi. George Carlin 12. Whats that, a bonus? Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank, via Getty Images. You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. He had deep core values that were good, Bonfiglio said: Take care of other people. Nobody owns anything. He drank, he got drunk, he hit people. Enjoy! You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm., Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist., I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Please check link and try again. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. George Carlin Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. 2. That leftist bent was unmistakable in Carlins standup, too: He railed against police violence, championed prison reform and environmentalism and condemned organized religion. Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death. Or the more caring, sensitive "Brace yourself, Agnes!". Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. Individualists. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want. During his 50-year career, irreverent comedian George Carlin stood in front of his audiences, questioning, condemning, and cutting through what he called "middle class crap." Remembering his wisdom could make your journey through grief just a little bit easier than expected. Political discourse has been reduced to "Where's the beef?" Your feedback will help us improve the article. Have you checked the dumbster out back? On the right-wing website Breitbart, Carlin has been cited as an expert on bipartisanship (the word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out) and hailed as a rebel who didnt acquiesce to authority. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Carlin is a venerated figure in his chosen field who unites performers as disparate as Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan, but hes also someone whose influence transcends comedy. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. Being considered as one of the top And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions., I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' The moment anyone gets in a group, gets together for meetings and puts on armbands, he instantly didnt want that, she said. They own all the important land. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Give reason to hope. Whats going on now is not that fight. Today, he said, we live in a world where anybody can really say what they want, whether anyone believes that or not., While Carlin would still probably be dissatisfied with the state of free speech today, Maron said, his barbs would have been aimed at the corporate occupation of discourse, with digital monoliths like Google, Facebook and Twitter dictating how culture thrives and is consumed., And if a comedian wants to claim freedom of speech while using words that others deem hateful, Maron said, you can say them all you want youre probably just going to be hanging around people who enjoy that kind of stuff. This makes me miss George Carlin all the more. It's never going to get any better. Everybody complains about politicians. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Its like trying to push back a tidal wave sometimes.. Did Dave Chappelle do that for everybody? He was always looking to show off what hed been thinking about at home., https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/11/arts/george-carlin-comedy.html, Illustration by Edmon de Haro; Mark Junge/Getty Images. I love George Carlin! Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. I saw his show back when he was riffing on "Stuff'" and the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". He always seemed filled with empathy.. oh we already do, for a given value of what "christian" represents So, have a little fun. The case was later dismissed and the comedian was widely admired for his free-speech stance. ', Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did., People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think., A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff., Basically just storage for all the stuff you buy but don't need /j, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away.. George Carlin would have been anti-vaccination, she said. There were other court jesters before Carlin and alongside Carlin, but Carlin was more powerful and dangerous to the king, said Journey Gunderson, the executive director of the National Comedy Center, which is home to more than 25,000 items from Carlins archives. Carlin was arrested in Milwaukee in 1972 on obscenity and disorderly conduct charges. He produced more than 20 albums and made over a hundred appearances in If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. 2023 Inspirationfeed. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? On other modern-day topics in which George Carlin surely would have had an incendiary but clarifying take on the Trump and Biden presidencies, social media, Elon Musk or the Marvel Cinematic Universe no matter how much we might wish to know his thoughts, he remains frustratingly out of reach. Though she generally tries to avoid intervening in these kinds of disputes, Kelly Carlin has used her social media to correct this reading. When you die, it all stays here. George Carlin 02. We don't even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven't learned how to care for one another. So what Im left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I cant quite remember. Nothing changed., Its never just a game when youre winning., Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck., One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like., Why is it that most people who are against abortion are people you wouldnt want to f**k in the first place?. The planet isn't going away. That approach gave Carlins comedy a longevity that not even the work of his esteemed predecessor Lenny Bruce has attained. My mother's theory was that while my father had been very free with his hands where his first family and Patrick were concerned, he didn't abuse her, because she had four brothers and her dad was a policeman. I had an imaginary friend. Continue with Recommended Cookies. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. In this blog post, QuotesGeeks compiled some George Carlin Quotes about death that will make you cry, and question your own thoughts on the topic. Others see it half empty. ', Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!". Everybodys going to save something now. WebGeorge Carlin Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? The table is tilted, folks, Carlin added. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Every day we present the best quotes! 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His irreverent jokes and no-holds-barred attitude made him a fan favorite but also landed him in trouble with the law more than once. But there is an I in independence, individuality, andintegrity. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Teach them to question everything. 3. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure., I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. Ooops! The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Hendra, a writer and comedian, talks with Rebecca Roberts about Carlin's life and legacy. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. Johnny Carson Nearly 14 years after his death, his provocative humor has been embraced by people across the political spectrum. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. The following statement is true. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. . GEORGE CARLIN POST 9-11 (His wife had recently died) Isnt it amazing that the George Carlin gross and mouthy comedian of the 70s and 80s could write something so very eloquent. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family., Most people with low self-esteem have earned it., If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead.. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?, Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in., There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls., When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. Then your an a*****e. Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Because of that status, Carlin is frequently summoned in contemporary debates over how comedians choose to use their platforms. George Carlin George Carlin Death Quotes. 10. I'm talking about the real owners now the real owners. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. You know why? These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. 1. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question what they read. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! You should die first, get it out of the way. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Carlins indignant voice feels so impossible to duplicate that quotes he never said and entire essays he didnt write are often wrongly attributed to him. At the moment when it seemed like he was out of gas, he would suddenly recharge and reinvent himself., As he evolved from a fast-talking parodist of TV and radio to a rhetorical bomb-tosser, Carlin had a set of standards that remained consistent. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death., At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom., The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. Some people see the glass half full. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. August 1936. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. Like his friend and forerunner Lenny Bruce, who was arrested and convicted on obscenity charges (and who later received a posthumous pardon), George Carlin was battling the states power to discourage and punish his expression. Keep the upbeat. That Carlins work endures long after him is not only a testament to his talents; its a sign that his frustrations, which he expressed humorously but felt authentically, still resonate with audiences, and that the injustices he identified in American society persist to this day. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. A lack of familiarity with Carlins words, his history and his values can lead to misapprehension when his arguments are stretched to fit present-day conditions he didnt live to see. Carlin with his daughter, Kelly, on the left and his first wife, Brenda. A headline in that Saturday's New York Post said "Hot, sticky, rainy weekend begins. When it comes to comedy, there is no shortage of great performers, but his bold stance on nearly every topic, from religion to politics, set him apart from other funnymen of his era. Excerpted from Last Words by George Carlin with Tony Hendra. His fans include Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan. I felt it was important that people not use him to undermine what we needed to do to get through this virus, she said. Comedian George Carlin had some interesting things to say about death, and his quotes provide some much-needed insight into this taboo topic. You Believe George Carlin Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Well, let's look at those 10 years, shall we. I was conceived in a damp, sand-flecked room of Curley's Hotel in Rockaway Beach, New York. Comedian George Carlin, pictured above in 2004, died of heart failure in June, 2008 at the age of 71. ", Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things., Theres no present. He was never looking to solve the culture wars or solve Americas problems. Getting conceived had been hard enough. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. The people are fucked., Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. He made them think and sometimes reconsider their beliefs. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Theres a strange afterlife that Carlin enjoys, not just as a comic but also as a moral compass. Maybe a few Wall Street gangsters socked away on Death Row might throw a frightful scare into their greedy colleagues and make them think twice before they pull off their next caper and ruin who knows how many more people's lives. The people who can't afford a good education are more likely to join the military in order to further their education, if they survive, Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes., This should be written in every church every temple every house of every god, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Did you enjoy this article? You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. On an almost daily basis, parts of Carlins routines rise to the surface of our discourse, and he is embraced by people who span the political spectrum they may rarely agree with each other, but they are certain that Carlin would agree with them. Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 4. . The people are fucked! 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When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Maybe this time itll work.. How would you rate the quality of the article? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. In America, anyone can become president. Several times during the pandemic, Carlin has drawn attention for a routine from his 1999 special, You Are All Diseased, in which he mischievously suggests that a childhood spent swimming in the polluted Hudson River was the reason he didnt catch polio. That's the problem. Olbermann confirmed this, saying that Carlin sent him a couple of one-liners about Bush and a sports joke he keeps framed on his wall.). We will not publish or share your email address in any way. The planet will be here, and we'll be gone. It creates a hostile work environment. I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking.